What ever happened to a good nights sleep? It's been well over a week since I was allowed to pay a visit to the quietude and blackness of destination deep sleep nine (hours). Instead, I've been forced every night this week to visit all sorts of ridiculous, nonsensical, comical and down right absurd places by my subconscious. I've been drifting in and out of light sleep of a night and it has turned me into a gibbering wreck. To quote the late great Lennon: 'I'll give you everything I've got for a little piece of mind!' at the moment. When you are suffering from these kind of light, sporadic sleeping patterns you have the most preposterous dreams, like: being chased around Asda by the legend that is Postman Pat. This may sound like fun or even quite strangely erotic to some, but, when he is a crazed mad-man brandishing a sub-machine gun and ranting and raving in a thick Yorkshire accent that he's: 'Gonna f**k thee up, yer tw*t!' its rather unnerving! This was just one of the crazy dreams that I have had this week. I have now realised that when you have so many mad dreams of a night it means you have had no quality sleep whatsoever and you're going to spend the rest of the day a miserable, irritable old git and feeling like you are on an entirely different planet.
I think the problem is that recently I have decided to discontinue a habit of many years; that of drinking at least a couple of glasses of red wine before bed. If you are thinking of doing something similar for health reasons, I personally wouldn't recommend it. If you do, you probably won't be able to sleep at night and I deduce that any health benefits gained will be out weighed by the negative effect that sleep deprivation will have on your health and your general sanity. Moreover, lack of sleep ruins relationships. Not only are you in danger of upsetting your other half by dry humping them at all hours of the night, but your general irritability and snappiness at the most minor things during the day, like the disappearance of the remote control or the lack of toilet roll will without doubt make them hate you more than, well, more than a terrible debilitating disease.
Please God, tonight, let me sleep!
Dzien Dobry!
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